


Steve's misery

by joannereads



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M, Not HEA at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24649714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joannereads/pseuds/joannereads
Summary: Post Valentines episode. You know - the one with the awful double date.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Steve's misery

**Author's Note:**

> Another ficlet posting from tumblr. This isn't happy ever after. This painful. You have been warned!

Steve slips into his home, tossing his keys on to the counter, then startles. Danny is on the couch, back stiff, shoulders rigid, hands clenched tightly together.  
"Danny?" Steve breathes, utterly confused. He should be with Melissa. "Has something-"  
"What the hell was that?" Danny growls, anger seeping out of him.  
"Was what?"  
"Back there, at dinner, with your hands?"  
Steve stares back. He wants to understand, to stop his friend from hurting, but he doesn't know how.  
"Take a breath, okay?" he prompts, before sitting next to Danny. He fights the urge to untangle Danny's fingers, and instead chooses to mimic his posture (just without the angry tension).  
"You were stroking my ear, hands all over me, watching my mouth. We promised! We agreed!"

Steve's sudden understanding knocks the breath from his chest.  
"You said that you'd respect that I wasn't ready to be that man, yet. That I might never be. But you keep touching me, and teasing me. Fuck! Melissa was right there!"  
"I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was doing it." Steve stands abruptly and strides away to the other side of the room. He can't have this conversation again, because last time it tore his heart to pieces. Some nights he lies awake and wonders if he's found them all again, of if some of them will always remain with Danny.  
"She broke it off with me," Danny adds softly. "And I want to feel sad, or hurt, but I just feel lost."

Steve strains to hear every word, to try and process them and understand them. He doesn't, though, because he can't see a way to change Danny's mind.  
"Look man, I'm sorry. I'll talk to her, make it right for you, okay?"  
"No." Danny's on his feet and moving towards Steve who wants to hope that this is it but . . .  
But Danny's eyes are cold, distant.  
"Don't get involved. You've messed everything up so many times. I gave up Rachel to get you out of jail, and Gabby didn't want to hang around because, in her words, we were too codependent. And now? Now this gorgeous, beautiful, caring woman, can't stay with me because she thinks I'm in love with you!"  
Danny's voice is hard, but quiet, his hands doing the wildness of the talking for him.  
"Are you?" Steve asks. His voice breaks a little because he wants it so much that just giving voice to it is physically painful. All of Danny's anger deflates suddenly and he stuffs his hands in his pockets.  
"Are you still dating Lynn?"  
"Yes, but-"  
"How am I meant to see that?"  
"You told me to move on!" Steve screams. "You told me not to wait, that you couldn't be what I needed! You told me you would never be ready! You said if I didn't you would leave me!"  
"Five 0, not you, doofus," Danny counters, but its feeble, because he did say all of those things.  
"I can't do this with you, Danny, not anymore. You know how I feel."

Danny steps closer. "And you keep telegraphing it to anyone with eyes, babe, because yours are always on me. I wasn't kidding earlier, when I said I could feel you on my face. You're always there, watching."  
"I can't help it, but I am trying. I love you, but I'm trying not to. I'm working on it. Please, don't leave me."  
Steve is unaware of the silent tears streaming down his face until Danny reaches up, slowly, and brushes them away with his thumbs. Their breaths come shallow and rapid, Steve fighting the urge to draw Danny into him with every ounce of strength he has. He won't push Danny away, not now.  
"I'm still not there, babe. I'm scared, okay? Scared of what Grace will think, of how we'll be seen by the world outside. I don't want her to be ashamed of me."  
"Gracie would never be ashamed of you, Danny, never."  
"Still. My family, you know? I-" Danny stops abruptly and gazes into Steve's eyes. The moment stretches and Steve is too frightened to breathe. Danny's thoughts race across his face and Steve's gut twists at the anxiety he sees in his partner.  
"Hey, Danny. It's okay. I want what we have now. You're my best friend. I would never, ever, want you to change who you are. I know I can live like this, and be happy. I'll try and keep my hands to myself, okay? I'll try so much harder. I'll make you proud of me."

Danny is sure that Steve must hear the shattering of his heart, because Steve winces as Danny draws in a breath.  
"You can't do that for me," Danny whispers. Danny lifts Steve's hand and places it on his chest, just above the scar from where part of him was literally removed and placed into Steve. "Don't torture yourself, not for me. I'm not worth it."  
Danny swallows and then reaches up a little, placing the softest of kisses to Steve's cheek, before drawing away.

"I have to go. I need to think." Danny turns away hurriedly and heads for the door. Just as his fingers make contact with the handle, strong hands turn him around, and Steve is suddenly bracketing him against the wooden surface.  
"Please, Danny. Don't leave me. Just, once? One night? Just let me have you in all those ways, just once? Then I can forget all of this, and move on."  
"Steve," Danny breathes. "You know that won't help. It'll make everything worse. I can't do that to you. I love you too much to hurt you like that."  
Steve presses his mouth to Danny's desperately, and kisses Danny as though he is dying. "Please," he whispers between kisses, in the gaps where breaths are snatched. His fingers are in Danny's hair, their chests pressed together, Danny's fingers digging into his back.  
Danny allows himself to drown in Steve, to share air and feeling and want, but.

But.

He can't be what Steve wants. Years of shame and fear and guilt at being 'wrong' and 'damaged' and 'queer' have him pushing back.  
"We can't do this."  
Steve's shoulders slump and his tears fall freely again.  
"Then you need to go, because I lose control when I'm around you, and I don't want to say things I don't mean." He steps back, the bulge in his pants evident, his desire painting a pink flush on his cheeks.  
"I'm sorry," Danny whispers again, before slipping out the door.


End file.
